then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
