Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
