Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
