You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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