Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
