so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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