I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize