Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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