New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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