Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
