Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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