Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
