i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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