I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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