Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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