she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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