No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
