I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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