i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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