this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
