I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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