I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
