I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
