Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
zippers are such a cool invention
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
