I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All the doctor said was why
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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