After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
