Don't you send me to vm
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
