If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I didn't notice because vodka
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
