the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
