he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
