I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
