i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
