I skipped work to stalk him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
