Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
