So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
