Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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