Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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