This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize