don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
