she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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