i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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