sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
