Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
