I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
