The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
