i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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