guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize