Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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