i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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