I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
