A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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