his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Randomize
