i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
