It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize