areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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