i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
