I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize