My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
