If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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