He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
