He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
