too bad you live with your parents still
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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