God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
