I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently you make a good broom.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
