i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
