one two three fourrrrnication!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
