I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
