Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize