Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
