He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
