Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to calm my uterus...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
