What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
