I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
