the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
