He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
