Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
