Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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