she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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