So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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